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Errant missiles flying
at about five foot three,
your mouth a semi-automatic
from some goddamn -
action flick superhero
who never runs out of bullets.
And I'm coughing up blood
from some Doc Holliday-esque
kind of frail badass disease
where I'm always almost
ending the day without you
and burying us in a pine box
with a haphazard wooden cross
stuck in the ground above it. |
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Now I remember why it was that I created this LJ in the first place. The ability to write whatever I wanted and not worry about so and so reading it and getting offended and/or trying to help. I had taken to posting on myspace... but now I get questions like, what am I not on your prefered list or something? Or something like - I read your poem the other day... was it about me? It's like, people always want to make something into something more.. and it shouldn't be. If you weren't able to read a post, it's probably for a reason, if you think a poem's about you, so be it, but that doesn't mean it is... or that I even know. So I guess maybe I'm switching back.
As to the second half... it's probably at least part my fault. I mean I can't say I'll be around in any one place for longer then 6 months and I gather that this may be a stumbling block for me in this regard. To be more specific, I had LASIK surgery oh two three weeks ago now, and ever since then I've been on some sort of weird girl roll (whether the glasses/non-glasses has anything to do with it, I won't even begin to guess). First night out after I got them, a group of three girls convinced my friends to leave me with them cause two of them were into me. Nothing much happened except that I hung out with one of them till like 5am. Next time out - meet some girl, dance with her, we exchange numbers, whatever. Then a friend of mine all of a sudden reveals she's had a crush on me for a long time etc, but when I tell her I'm gone in like a month and a half.. anything serious is out. So I feel kind of like I'm having all these momentary relationships that really don't mean anything. Sure I'm supposed to call that one girl and she said she'd meet me out for drinks.. but how is it gonna go over when I say I leave March 15th for 6 months.. and I may not even be coming back to Colorado this winter? Seriously.
I want something solid, but this isn't a time in my life where it's going to happen most likely. So I supposed I'll just have to come to terms with this. In return for the ability to work for 6 months, travel wherever with whomever for the other 6, I must sacrifice longterm relationships and stability in my life... so be it. |
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I painted your face on the back of my head -
and stood between two mirrors,
So I could say these things to you,
"You've got two many rings on your fingers,
You've got too many excuses to say:
'Can't you see I'm busy?
Can't you see I'm no good?
Can't you see I've got 'friends'?
- I'm just so misunderstood.'
Even when you're gone,
we can't get along.
"You won't admit that you're wrong,
and you say that you just want me gone."
I tried to tell you I love you,
She replies:
'You must be mistaken.'I Feel:  cynical I'm Hearing: She Wants Revenge - Someone Must Get Hurt |
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Poem comes last, because I know that's how high it is on other peoples importance meter... haha, and sadly mine lately. Anyways. News. I got on myspace not so long ago and so end up using that a lot more then this... just because it's easier to blog there because i already have to login in to get my messages and other stuff. So yeah. Besides that, I leave for Alaska in a month, Vegas right before I go, the 22nd, and my flight to AK leaves on the 30th of March. Gonna go work up there (for like 5-6 months), make some money, come back, and probably jet off someplace else like Italy or Australia and spend all the money I just earned ;) So yeah, that's kind of what's up. Action filled month where I get to worry about what to do with car insurance, how to pay my bills, etc, while I'm up there. Okay, as I promised, the poem comes last.
Love Love
Our hummingbird hearts,
flutter fasterfaster,
in and out
of lust.
Another hello,
another transient
Goodbye.
oh right, and my myspace profile can be found... Here for those of you who were just dying to find out. |
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Is to try and write down my life, or at least the parts that I can remember when I have free time (at least once a week) until I catch up to real life. I don't care if anyone reads this, or if it's interesting, it's more about preserving the memories, although you can count on some parts of this being amazingly amusing. But anyways, it shall come in pieces, so here is part one.
( Part UNO )
More to come in time.I Feel: procastinatory.. is that a word? I'm Hearing: silence |
| » Two more poems from Lit to 1860 |
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I really like rainy days.
Out of the Rain and into You
Rain dimples,
puddles surface.
Slicks down hair,
beads on brow,
and drips from noses.
Wet kisses,
under wooden stoop roof.
Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 02:22 pm
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| » Breakup |
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Your teeth,
now empty sockets.
The metallic taste,
of my blood.
Disassociating,
your lips
from my heart.
Stronger beat,
these days.
Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 02:13 pm
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| » Written in my American Lit to 1860 class |
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And she will
Continue to smile.
Hard hearted,
happiness.
Deluded.
Wolf's tail wags,
as it kills.
Poor comparison,
like love to sunshine,
or you to Judas.
Probably mostly because hard hearted has been rolling around in my head for the last month.
Oct. 7th, 2005 @ 03:48 pm
|
| » Bitter Betty |
|---|
Two weeks late,
you say hello.
Shallow water,
rich with bitter salt,
stinging wounds,
not yet healed.
You lash vindictive,
like you have the right,
so I say,
"Goodbye"
You reply,
"Fuck off"
like any of this matters.
Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 03:36 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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So yah.
I exist.
It's strange how things work out, never quite how I wanted, but almost always as I expected them to be. If I believed in pre-destination I could just say, oh well, it wasn't meant to be, but since I don't, I just say, if I really wanted it, I would have made sure I got it, or what happens most of the time, "oh well, fuck it."
So I've been thinking about where I want to go with me. So many choices, so many paths, but I know one thing, whatever I do with my life, I will be active. I have so much fun when I play football or softball or go fly fishing or something like that. More so football than the other two, but they're all fun. I don't really like watching any of those three, but playing is different. And it's not that I never realized this before, I think it's more that I never thought I would have to make an effort to keep doing all these things, but I guess you do, you gotta get people together for football or softball, you have to find time, have money, and its good to have a fishing buddy. I don't know, I guess I've never dated a really athletic girl, maybe I should give that a try, which at this moment opens up some interesting possibilities. Anyways, I don't know exactly what I started out trying to say, but I don't think I managed to say it, or anything else, so I guess I'm gonna go.
The Cary Brothers - Supposed To Be
I never thought I was wrong
I never thought I was scared
I always thought with my heart
But never thought I could care
What was it you said
About the sun always shining on me?
What was it you said?
I was supposed to, you were supposed to be
This is the part where you can come back to me
I was supposed to, you were supposed to be
It's in the silence, it's an attack
I walk the places alone
Where you and I took a dare
Where only lovers can turn
A circle into a square
What was it you said
About the sun always shining on me?
What was it you said?
I was supposed to, you were supposed to be
This is the part where you can come back to me
I was supposed to, you were supposed to be
This is the silence, it's an attack
Come around
Sometimes everyone lies
Come around
Hold on 'til you find it
Come around
I was supposed to, you were supposed to be
This is the part where you can come back to me
I was supposed to, you were supposed to be
I was supposed to, you were supposed to be
Oh yah, and if you live in the present, life is a happy mystery.
Sep. 4th, 2005 @ 01:33 pm
|
| » I have been listening to this song on repeat for three days now.. I'd give you the playcount from itunes.. but it's embarassing. |
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Death Cab For Cutie - Tiny Vessels
This is the moment,
that you know,
that you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin,
and then you think,
that she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
I spent two weeks,
in Silverlake,
the California sun cascading down my face.
There was a girl,
with light brown streaks,
and she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautful, but she didn't mean a thing to me.
I wanted to believe,
in all the words that I was speaking,
as we moved together in the dark.
And all the friends that I was telling,
all the playful mispellings,
and every bite I gave then left a mark,
and tiny vessels oozed,
into your neck and formed the bruises,
that you said you didn't want to fade,
but they did and so did I that day.
All I see,
are dark grey clouds,
in the distance moving closer with every hour.
So when you ask,
"Is something wrong?"
I think, "You're damn right there is,
but we can't talk about it now.
No we can't talk about it now."
So one last touch,
and then we'll go,
and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more,
but it was vile,
it was cheap,
and you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
Maybe you'd like it, maybe you wouldn't... maybe I just feel like I should be singing this, especially the last two verses, and at one time in the past, the first verse. Oh well. I have a new car that is gorgeous, we won our last softball game (after going 0-11 and being last in the league) with a score of 21 to 2.... uhm yah, for some reason we rock in championship games. On another note, I wanna get outta town, who wants to go somewhere cool?
Jul. 29th, 2005 @ 02:08 pm
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| » Written... now. |
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The Failures of Medical Science
I should have given her an arm,
or maybe a leg -
after all
they have casts
for those kinds of things.
And I'm done.
Jun. 27th, 2005 @ 12:40 am
|
| » Crazy like whoa! |
|---|
( My crazy dream )
And yah, so I swear this is the second time I've had that exact same dream too.
Jun. 26th, 2005 @ 01:25 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
|---|
I started writing this months ago, and then left it untouched till now, because I couldn't remember what was next, or where I was going, I still don't know, so I went where I wanted to go today. And so, here we are (hopefully it won't screw up my spacing):
undone
Another one of those late late school nights
park on the hill turn off the headlights.
She will embrace you engulf you and
empty your soul out into the passenger seat.
Clouds obscure the moon enabling freedom
breathing in the dark air
freckles touch freckles and hands
hands hold mountains.
Fingers contact curves
handling waistlines
discarding denim.
Legs grip hips and
mouths breathe in mouths
until there's no air left.
And Then
the night breathes you
and you
you are alive.
Jun. 25th, 2005 @ 02:11 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I feel much less like a raging massacre and a lot more like a tantrum throwing four year old. It is a sad situation without end - and so it goes, I'm just not a big fan of me.
Jun. 24th, 2005 @ 11:33 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Girls don't even know what girls want - by which I mean, they don't know what they want for themselves.
Jun. 22nd, 2005 @ 08:55 pm
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| » Dehyrdation is Not Your Friend. |
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( And so it began )
And now the ending is there.... and I don't know why it wasn't in the first place.
Jun. 11th, 2005 @ 05:52 pm
|
| » I should be sleeping... |
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Yes, my second story from my Fiction Workshop class is now here for you to enjoy.
( Jumping Cholla )
And so there's that. Any and all questions will be answered asap.
May. 31st, 2005 @ 11:19 pm
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| » Car shopping.... |
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Yah that's what I did today, and I am somewhat excited. I went down to this place that buys cars at auctions and does the bodywork to make em look pretty again and then sells them to used car lots unless someone like me wants to buy them. A lady my mom worked with has bought two cars from them and she's been in two serious accidents with one of the cars and it's held up like a champ (just to hold back that idea that once it's had body work its weak). So anyways, here's what I see.
A 2000 Saturn SL1 is one of the two cars they have for under 5,000 (they usually deal with 2001-2005 stuff because it's easier to sell to dealers) and I'm looking at this thing, and it looks like this. Basically brand new and they're asking 4,200 for it. A 2000, it blew my mind and then the lady my mom works with told us to offer em under that and see if they'll take it and I'm just blown away, this car is 5 years old and it would cost 4,200.... my 16 year old car that I bought 5 (so it was 11 years old at the time) years ago cost 3,500 with 113k miles... this Saturn has 89k. It's hard to pass up, the only problem is I don't really fit in it to well (got head room but my legs be cramped) so the next step is to let em know what I'm looking for and when they go to auctions and stuff they keep an eye out for stuff they can fix up for less than 5 grand for me and when they do that, it's mine.... it sounds to easy. But I'm excited so lets roll.
May. 21st, 2005 @ 12:11 am
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| » Aaaawooooooooogaa!! |
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Okay, quick update.
Still car shopping... rub a dub dub these damn things are even more expensive then when I got my first one (and someone please explain to me how my car, which I bought for $3,500, a grand total of 5 years ago, is still most of the time selling for ... $3,500? Cause uh, I don't get it). So it looks like my best bet may be this place in denver that buys cars from police auctions and stuff, then does body work on them and resells them to used car shops... the last time they gave me numbers, there was a 99 honda civic for 4500.... which is basically what a 1996 or older civic would run me normally, so I kind of think I might go that way, although if its newer than 10 years, insurance companies want you to get collision coverage on it (only liability is cheaper), but since I'm taking out a loan to buy it anyways, I'd get full collision regardless, because it would be way shitty to take out a loan, have the car get totalled and then basically not ever have a car again because I'd still owe all the money on the loan and without coverage, my car would just get to sit there and be totalled until I got money to fix it. Great.
Grades! Okay, now I have grades for this semester which is all well and good, so here's the list:
Literary Analysis: B- (hard to expect more when i almost fail out because of absences)
Italian 2: B (I think I blew the final, too much thinking about the car)
Medieval Icelandic Sagas: A- (cause my Tale of Dalesson.... which is me, rocked)
Fiction Workshop: A (Uhm, of course?)
Which leaves me with a cool 3.3 gpa for the term and brings me up to 3.14 or something overall, which is awesome. So I'm happy about that.
And last but not least, Softball news...
Okay.. so uh, yah, we are currently 0-2... haha yah, but whatever, it's a motley crew of coed fools who don't play softball except for every thursday and we're always recruiting girls from wherever, whether they can play or not, so it doesn't matter. The important thing is that we have fun, and since we remembered to bring beer to the second game, that game basically kicked ass, plus we almost won.. I mean, 12-9.. yes, almost. It's better than our season opener which was 10-2.. but yah, drinkin and fuckin around while playin softball definitely gets two thumbs up in my book, plus we have all the cute girls... mwahahaha.
And that's it for now, I'll throw up another story when I have time.
Ciao.
May. 14th, 2005 @ 12:04 am
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